oBsCuRe StUdIoS

Oh thanks you almighty and venerable Xenu! Finals are nearly over for many of us which, for oBsCuRe StUdIoS, means that we have way more free time on our hands. Yay for those who follow the obscurity like cocaine!

So, just to kick things off, I'll tell you all what this means. Finals are the time of the semester when students become irate, cranky, lazy, and altogether unpleasant. Some people deal with their overwhelming stress and anxiety by brooding secretly in a dark corner listening to Creed, or some crap like that. Anything emo will do. However, though this group of deadly doom-sayers is definitely diabolical, they are few and far to find, being they spend every ounce of free time sleeping or walking from class to class plugged into an iPod with their head facing the ground. I would like to issue a warning to avoid groups of these people conglomerating together, as the storm clouds that gather above their heads could result in fairly severe lightning strikes, or at least finding a dead hamster in your backpack with a poorly written, and obviously forged, suicide note. Moving on.

These back-bent creatures also have cravings for mozzarella tuna, iced milk, and other combinations of foods. Pizza will taste good dunked in soda, and the attitude that junk food also "ages like fine wine" seems to be popular. No wonder dorms are cesspools of diseases...

This is uncomfortable. Let's move on.

The time of finals brings out sides of people previously described with words like "timid", "sane", and "who are we talking about again?" Normal human beings suddenly become irate, cranky, and altogether unpleasant. Be warned of extremely severe mood swings induced by even the slightest mention of anything educationally related, when not in an educational/institutional setting.

Having set forward these points, I come to a rather bold conclusion. There is a condition far more deadly than the swine flu spreading the country, and I am afraid that, if left unchecked, it could leave most of the country severely pissed off, and that's just lame.

Are you ready? You might want to take a seat. It's a condition I have termed "PMS", or "Procrastination Make-up Syndrome". It results from putting off all the books your professors have asked you to read over the course of the semester until the week before the final exam, which your professor has indicated is comprehensive and will contain 50% of its content from assigned readings, which you have neglected to do so you could "recharge your batteries from that crazy night of partying". Approximately a week or so before finals, PMS kicks in with ostensible symptoms, notably those listed above.

If you suspect that you, or someone you know, has contracted PMS, isolate that person and try to placate their wrath until the proper authorities arrive.

For more information, you should contact www.pms.org.

I hope you all become aware of this epidemic sweeping the nation, and you all take some time to enjoy the fine weather!

Peace out!

A little craziness can go a long way. All of us here at Obscure Studios are completely bonkers. It's true. Every single one of us belongs in a straightjacket. But don't call the asylum just yet.

Most film studios take themselves too seriously. They're concerned with things like critics and box office sales. They are all about profit and the bottom line. We're different. We just want to keep you entertained. We're concerned with the audience - you. We want to make sure that we deliver the best possible entertainment for you to secretly watch at work when you're supposed to be finishing your TPS reports. That's right, we know you're slacking off and pretending to be doing homework or whatnot, but we won't tell. In fact, we'd much rather you spend hours poking around here instead of actually doing anything productive.

So, when you're laughing at the drunken antics of Scott on Reilly's Dorm or taking perverse pleasure in seeing a clay blob jump from a cliff to his death, remember the crazy people that made it all possible. We look forward to entertaining you in the future and please drop us a line in our forums. Hero worship is always welcome.

And finally, remember that you don't have to be nuts, but it helps!

I was recently eating at In-N-Out (excellent munchables) and was forced (due to budget constraints) to share an order of french fries with a cunning friend. It was then that I became concious of the Art and Strategy of Sharing French Fries (or Freedom Fries, whichever you prefer.)

Human beings are extremely competetive and whether we realize it or not, we compete over everything.

Subconciously, we look at that greasy cardstock carton of fries and see it as a battlefield. We see that there's a good half of the french fries and that there's a bad half. The goal is to screw your opponent out of the good ones.

Every time we go to grab a sliver of starch heaven, we're plotting a course away from the inferior fries. You know the ones I mean: the ones that are small and too hard to bite through, the ones that are too soggy, the ones that are devoid of ketchup, and the ones that by some freak of nature refused to cook when immersed in a boiling vat of vegetable oil and liquified lard.

We are constantly searching for the Holy Grail french fries. The ones that are crispy on the outside, warm and mushy on the inside, and lathered in ketchup more precious than gold.

It doesn't matter how much you care for the person your sharing with. As soon as you sit across from each other in the molded plastic booth at your favorite burger joint, with the tempting french fries between you, the gloves are off. Your primative caveman hunting instincts take over.

If you don't scarf down every one of the perfect morsels, leaving your buddy with the scraps, your stomach thinks it will die. But remember, the enemy is thinking the same thing. That's when perfectly innocent family dinners at McDonalds become savage foodfights with the fate of the world hanging in the balance.

The next time you share an order of french fries with someone, bear this in mind. And let the games begin...

That's the way I see the world. You've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week!